Thofire: The Movie
Thofire: The Movie is an idea thought up by Spookystorm, Perfect Strangers and Motercycle Man. Casting THOFIRE: THE MOVIE STARRING: LIAM NEESON AS THOFIRE SILVERTOUCH ANGELINA JOLIE AS CONSTANZA DU BEC MEGAN FOX AS XYRORA SILVERTOUCH MORGAN FREEMAN AS THOROAR SILVERTOUCH DAME JUDI DENCH AS BRETHANA SILVERTOUCH MARTIN FREEMAN AS FRULAMIN SILVERTOUCH DANIEL RADCLIFFE AS PAOLINO DU BEC EMMA WATSON AS LUCIANA DU BEC ANTHONY HOPKINS AS VITO CORLEON AARON ECKHART AS KEVAMROS DARKEYES LENA HEADEY AS ARATRANNA DARKEYES TOM HIDDLESTON AS NORAVER DARKEYES VIN DIESEL AS ERAAMION FIRAAL SEAN BEAN AS ORKLAN BOARHIDE DAVID BOWIE AS MEREDITH DE LANG JACK BLACK AS GHAZGHKULL MAG URUK THRAKA AINSLEY HARRIOTT AS JEDCIT STAN LEE AS MALARETH SNOOP LION AS TRAVEUS/SUEVART KEANU REEVES AS DAR GREMATH MAGGIE SMITH AS REITHANN JOHN MALKOVICH AS KRYUS KOROLEV/REDTHORN WITH PETER DINKLAGE AS DAVID JONES JACK NICHOLSON AS HUSH KAREN GILLAN AS NYYSSA RATKO BRUCE WILLIS AS 47 WILL SMITH AS ADEWALE ORLANDO BLOOM AS DAUD ATTANO AND MICHAEL GAMBON AS NARRATOR AND DM DIRECTOR: ZACK SNYDER PRODUCERS: M. NIGHT. SHYAMALAN, GUILLERMO DEL TORO, MICHAEL BAY CO-PRODUCER: BRETT RADNER, CATHERINE HARDWICK, JJ ABRAMS Script 1. Intro (Fade in to a burning field - night. Camera pans across the field, Corpses strewn everywhere. Dramatic music plays in background) THOFIRE: I have become death; destroyer of lives. It started the death of my father and Xyrora. Then it was the Corleons, the Darkeyes, the Windstrider, Draisia, Traveus and Harkenwold. My skills are unmatched by those who stand before me. (Camera pans up to a silhouette of THOFIRE, a bloody rapier in one hand and a decapitated head in the other) THOFIRE: My name is Thofire Silvertouch. I am the bringer of the end. Prepare to face your death. (Background goes black; the blood-like words 'THOFIRE' appear over it in the style of a blood splatter) 2. Early life THOFIRE: (Narrating over helicopter view of Greenhills) I guess it starts at the beginning. I was born in Greenhills to my father, Thoroar, and mother, Brethana. My father was the wisest person I ever knew. He gave me advice that would guide me for the rest of my life. (Cuts to THOROAR and THOFIRE sitting in a field) THOROAR: Let me tell you something son. I can see why some of the boys here think that you're snobby. You have a way about you, a walk and a talk that just isn't normal around here. You stroll, like a man in a park without a care or a worry in the world, like you have on an invisible coat that shields you from this place. Yeah, I think it would be fair to say... I like Thofire Silvertouch from the start. But always remember our motto, in Local Halfling Language: nothing is true, everything is permitted. (Cuts to Silvertouch family kneeling by FRULAMIN's bed) THOFIRE: (Narrating) Unfortunately, my brother Frulamin was struck down by a terrible disease. We found out all too late that he had been poisoned. THOFIRE: (From bedside) I don't know what kind of bug you are, I don't know what you want. If you want a ransom, I can tell you, I don't have any money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills that I have required over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for bugs like you. If you let my brother live, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you. I will find you. And I will kill you. (FRULAMIN dies. BRETHANA screams and THOROAR barges out of the door. We follow THOROAR as he walks down the street, but turns to see fifty muggers looking threateningly at him) THOROAR: Hello boys. You now have a choice: get busy living... (First mugger falls dead, knife through throat.) THOROAR: Or get busy dying. That's damn right. THOFIRE: (Narrating shots of THOROAR fighting in speed ramps. Muggers start to attack THOROAR. He kills ten, ramping with every attack. Sword through face of one, legs sliced off of another, throws sword through stomach of another. Pulls out bow, fires arrow through chest of fourth. Grabs his sword, disarms fifth and slices his face off. Plunges both swords through stomach of sixth. Drops swords and picks up a spear, throws it through the chests of seventh and eighth mugger. Grabs his own sword, follows up with a decapitation of ninth and snapping the neck of tenth) My father fought harder that day than he ever did before. But eventually, a cowardly boy stabbed him in the back. (Shows boy stabbing THOROAR in the back. He falls to his knees, then background explodes Ask Michael Bay to do the explosions. All the muggers launched away by explosions (power rangers style). Screen fades to black) THOFIRE: (Narrating. Fades in to young Thofire running up to his father and cradling him, crying.) Things were never the same after that. I guess I just miss my friend,Thoroar Silvertouch. Brethna was never the same, losing her son and husband on the same day. I recovered eventually and found love. (A scene of an older THOFIRE walking through a forest at sunset with XYRORA. Leaves fall as they walk. They have arms linked, laughing) THOFIRE: I met Xyrora Hollysharp, the most perfect woman who had ever lived. A month later, we were married. (XYRORA and THOFIRE kissing at wedding, applauding crowd) THOFIRE: But like all good things in my life, it was not to last. A year after our marriage, Xyrora was struck down by bandits in the forest where we met. (THOFIRE runs in slow motion up to a heavily bleeding XYRORA. Sad music plays in background. He cradles her in his arms in a close shot, while she whispers something inaudible. She falls limp, shot zooms away. THOFIRE gives a cry of anger and despair as lightning flashes in the background.) THOFIRE: I tried appealing to the government, but they turned me away time after time. I had to take matters into my own hands. ominous music THOFIRE: (Narrating over a shot of THOFIRE crouching in some bushes, looking ferocious) I found the bandit camp easy enough. After that, it was a simple matter of revenge. (Ominous music turns into battle music, as THOFIRE charges into the bandit camp. throwing some daggers at UNNAMED GUARD #1. He then dismembers UNNAMED GUARD #2 and proceeds to destroy the bandit camp. UNNAMED GUARD #3 tries to run away, THOFIRE flips over him and throws a knife into his throat) THOFIRE: (Shouting while fighting) I AM A SEXY FACIAL HAIRED GOD OF WAR!!! (Zoom out on bandit camp, burning) THOFIRE: Those deaths were the first of many in my spree of vengeance. 3. Halfing Criminal Families THOFIRE: (narrating over shot of THOFIRE approaching house. He enters and starts chatting with CONSTANZA) Through my actions, I learned that it was the Corleons who had ordered the death of my father and Xyrora. I learned that Vito, their leader, had a daughter: Constanza. I planned to infiltrate them using her. At first I thought she was a vicious serpent-like woman, but I now regret that analysis. She was one of the kindest people I had ever met. Posing as Antonio Du Bec, I courted her. It only took two months. (Cuts to THOFIRE and CONSTANZA getting married. They passionately kiss) THOFIRE: (THOFIRE sneaks out of bed in his underwear and opens a safe. Cuts to THOFIRE running away from house, pulling up trousers and smiling creepily) Three days after the marriage, I stole all of the Corleon's money and fled into the night. Unfortunately, I had left something behind. (Rainy, depressing scene of a hut. CONSTANZA and holds two small children close to her) THOFIRE: Constanza had twins: Paolino and Luciana Du Bec. My children. Vito had kicked them out of his home and sent them to live in the slums Wiwic. (Flashback to a scene in a bare Corleon manor. CONSTANZA is hugging her children) VITO: I'm giving you a choice. Get rid of those vile creatures, or you're out. CONSTANZA: (sobbing) I choose my children, you demon. I hope that Raven Queen destroys your soul. VITO: (Shouting, furious) Then begone, scum! I never wish to see you again. THOFIRE: Vito died shortly after. As soon as I found out about their struggle, I payed for their safe passage to Greenhills so that they may live with my mother. I would have gone to live with them, but I had other things to do. (Flashes of the other criminal families: Pericuzios, Violas and Puzos all shown) THOFIRE: The other families had to fall. The Pericuzios. The Violas. The Puzos. They all fell by one man under a different name. Before long all of the criminal families had been robbed and ground to dust under my feet. But my appetite for destruction was not satisfied. I had to turn my attention to humans, welcome myself to their jungle of criminality. I had to take down The Darkeyes. (The Darkeyes flash before the screen. Various brutalities shown) THOFIRE: The Darkeyes were led by Kevamros (KEVAMROS appears on the screen. KEVAMROS DARKEYES written in a blood-like font), a brutal man with a burned face. He had to see 14 executions every week: one at sunrise, one at sunset. Noraver was his son (NORAVER appears on the screen. NORAVER DARKEYES written in a blood-like font), a lycanthrope said to have killed his own brother. Aratranna was his daughter (ARATRANNA appears on the screen. ARATRANNA DARKEYES written in a blood-like font) and she was the most beautiful woman in the city, Draisia. Kevamros wanted her to marry a politican; she married a halfling looking for work: me. (THOFIRE and ARATRANNA engage in various 'romantic' activities) THOFIRE: I didn't change my name because I thought humans were stupid. I was wrong. Nevertheless, I infiltrated the family. Kevamros saw me as a charming, determined man and he gave his blessings to the marriage. Noraver was not convinced. He somehow used his superior insight to learn that I had an underlying motive. He was right. (THOFIRE and ARATRANNA moving around under a bedcover) THOFIRE: (Groaning in pleasure) Oh, Xyrora! (moving around stops) ARATRANNA: (in a screechy voice) SHUT UP! WHO'S XYRORA!? SAY THAT AGAIN AND I'LL CUT OFF YOUR MEMBER THOFIRE: (seductively) Shut up, biatch. ARATRANNA: Yes master. (Scenes of the wedding. After the vows, KEVAMROS approaches THOFIRE) KEVAMROS: Thofire, Thofire, Thofire. It truly is an honour to marry my daughter off to you. (THOFIRE smiles and begins to turn away, but KEVAMROS grabs his arm and turns him back) One thing, however ... The Darkeyes don't appreciate men who cheat on their women. Also, since I am a loving father, I will carry out all of Aratranna's wishes. And she usually wishes death for men who cheat on her. THOFIRE: Is that a threat? I've heard better threats from Orgnar. KEVAMROS: (Chuckles, then walks away before stopping) Wait. Who's Orgnar? (THOFIRE turns away, but is grabbed by an assailant and pulled into an alley. Assailant turns out to be NORAVER) NORAVER: (Snarling in THOFIRE'S face) Listen to me, you halfling runt. I know that you're planning something. You may have fooled my sister and my father, but you'll never fool me. (Leans in) You aren't worthy of Aratranna's hand. THOFIRE: (unperturbed) Is this all because you and your sister are fucking? NORAVER: (Grinning wolfishly) Oh, you'll regret that. You'll regret that very sincerely. (NORAVER backs around a corner. Disappears. THOFIRE goes back to the party) THOFIRE: Later that night, I went to follow my routine. (THOFIRE gets out of bed, well-toned abs showing. Gets dressed and sneaks off) THOFIRE: There were... complications. (ARATRANNA wakes up and sees THOFIRE picking the lock to a safe) ARATRANNA: (Confused, angry) What do you think you're doing? THOFIRE: Baby, I... Let me give you some- ARATRANNA: (Solemn) Noraver was right. (Shouting) Guards, father! We have a thief in the house! (Thunder of footsteps fills the room as THOFIRE grabs a rapier off a wall. KEVAMROS and 4 UNNAMED GUARDS enter the room) THOFIRE: I hoped it would never come down to this... (THOFIRE flings himself through the air and decapitates the first unnamed guard, then throws a dagger at KEVAMROS: misses. Three remaining guards fire crossbow bolts at THOFIRE. He dodges two, grabs the other and stabs the second guard through the eye with it. He spins and stabs person sneaking up on him. Camera pans to see ARATRANNA impaled on THOFIRE's rapier) ARATRANNA: But... I... loved you. (ARATRANNA slumps off the rapier and dies. THOFIRE look upset momentarily, then slices off the third unnamed guard's legs. He jump-kicks the fourth unnamed guard, who is charging at THOFIRE, into KEVAMROS. THOFIRE jumps on top of them, pinning them down) KEVAMROS: (Spitting with fury) You. killed. my. daughter! Noraver will kill you for this. THOFIRE: (Uncaringly) Nothing personal, dad-in-law. I just hate the guts of people like you. (THOFIRE plunges his blade through the fourth unnamed guard and KEVAMROS' throat, both die. THOFIRE hears approaching guards. He jumps out of the window and runs towards a stable) THOFIRE: Orgnar! Wake up! (A German shepherd runs to THOFIRE. THOFIRE sits on him and is about to ride off when he sees guards surrounding him) THOFIRE: Now, my good riding dog. Kill. (ORGNAR's eyes retract and two gatling guns emerge from the sockets. The dog starts spinning and mowing down guards. Explosions everywhere. When 95% are dead, time freezes) DM: (booming) STOP! There are no guns in this world and definitely no dogs with automatic machine guns behind their eyes. Rewrite this backstory! (ORGNAR vanishes and THOFIRE lands on his feet. With a look of confusion, he starts running. A shot shows him running as fast as he can out of the gates of Draisia) THOFIRE: That is the story of how I became a fugitive. I learned that Noraver sent 6 assassins after me shortly after. It look a long time for life to improve. 4. The Windstrider Begins (Shot from above shows THOFIRE is walking through a dark, grey skyed city. He looks mistrustingly at people) THOFIRE: (Narrating) Eventually I found myself in Caulkenny, capital city of Morley. The place has an isolationist attitude; that suited me fine. (THOFIRE looks at a masked city watchman. He looks back.) CITY WATCH GUARD: If I catch you hand in my pocket, halfling, I'll cut it off. (THOFIRE turns away and walks faster. Enters into a crowded inn). THOFIRE: I knew one of the assassins would catch me eventually. It just happened to be today. (DAVID JONES, a sinister looking gnome, approaches THOFIRE and lays a hand on his shoulder. THOFIRE tenses up) DAVID JONES: (Laughing quietly) I found you, and now it's time for you to die! (DAVID JONES spins around) DAVID JONES: (Shouting, pointing at THOFIRE) 200 gold pieces to the person who kills that halfling! (Everyone in the bar gets up and walks menacingly up to THOFIRE except a hooded man in the corner. THOFIRE grabs a stool and smacks two men round the face with it, then trips up a man charging at him and proceeds to stap on his head. THOFIRE smashes a bottle of ale and uses it to slit the throat of a man who is coming at him with a knife) THOFIRE: (As two men with long daggers sneak up behind THOFIRE, who is holding off another man) Two good things came from that bar fight... (Ramping as lightning hits both the men sneaking up on THOFIRE, who are sent flying off screen as normal motion speed returns. THOFIRE slices open the man he was holding off's stomach and turns to see the hooded man with a staff outstretched. They proceed to kill the rest of the bar members) THOFIRE: The first was that I killed one of the assassins. (DAVID JONES starts to flee, but THOFIRE kicks him up between the legs with a sickening crunch. Pain fills DAVID JONES' face. Camera cuts to be from the gnome's perspective. THOFIRE then stabs the gnome through the eye with a broken chair leg) THOFIRE: (As he shakes his hand with the hooded man) The second was that I met Eraamion Firaal. (ERAAMION takes the hood off of the cloak, revealing long, white hair and pure green eyes) THOFIRE: Thanks for the help back there. Not that I needed it or anything. ERAAMION: Of course you didn't. (Awkward silence) ERAAMION: My name is Eraamion Firaal. I am searching for men to man my ship, the Windstrider. THOFIRE: Thofire Silvertouch. Why do you want me? ERAAMION: I'm on a mission. A mission of vengeance. THOFIRE: (Starts paying attention) You have my interest. ERAAMION: Then let me begin... (Turn to manga-style flashback) (Scene fades to a helicopter shot of a sunny, Mediterranean-esque city) ERAAMION: I come from the city of Cullero, Serkonos: a flourishing centre of trade and culture. (Camera descends to a large beachside mansion) ERAAMION: I lived in the family manor for the first two decades of my life with my parents and twin brother. My mother, Elanin, was a very successful merchant and my father, Ilendril, was a politician. My brother was Mirkrali. We have a rich history that we can trace back to the Fey city of Mithrendain, but to explain would take far too much time. (Scene cuts to Eraamion practising magic with ELBERON) ERAAMION: I was well educated by my tutor, Elberon Berengot. It was through his teaching that I was able to develop a unique kind of flammable tar and a spell that allows me to travel to temples of the Outsider via instant teleportation. Between my studies and visiting my friend, Caelynna, life was perfect. (Pauses dramatically) It was not to last. (Cut to an exploding, burning Firaal Manor. ELANIN and ILENDRIL are back to back firing fireballs and lightning at attacking pirates, killing them. Cuts to MIRKRALI outside killing pirates with his longsword. Cuts back to ELANIN and ILENDRIL, both get stabbed and mortally wounded. They look to each other, a tears glistening in their eyes. Both explode in a ball of fire, killing all nearby pirates. Scene fades back to ERAAMION in the inn.) ERAAMION: Pirates, led by the infamous drow captain Sontro'vhi Primor, had attacked my home. I was out at the time, and I came home too late. My parents had sacrificed their lives to stop them, but it was not enough. Some survived and they took everything, including my brother's life. If I was there, they may have survived. My mission is to right the wrongs caused by that foul creature, at any cost. Will you join me? Category:Out of Game Category:Thofire